Monday Musings

I have anxiety this morning. I have to sign on at the Jobcentre and then AA straight after. Having plans makes me anxious. Logically I can tell myself that both of these meetings will be fine and straightforward but when I am this side of any plan; I can’t help but be agitated.

However I am also excited! I am getting a few hours to myself this morning as I’m catching to bus into town alone. I always look forward to a little time on the bus with music in my headphones and yay! the sun is shining!. (Don’t care how sad that sounds)

All in all, everything feels really positive. Rob and I are connecting much better without me trying to rush things to get back to normal. The atmosphere has thawed and in turn I feel more able to communicate with him. I have always tried to blank out how much he is affected by relapses. It’s very distressing to accept responsibility for causing another person pain. I want us to closer. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Everytime I relapse a wall goes up.  We wont survive it again. I wont survive it again.

Happy Monday you guys.

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3 thoughts on “Monday Musings

  1. My thing is putting the earbuds in and walking the dog-Not sad at all to me
    I know facing any event where I’ve been expected to show up for, was daunting. I’m better at it now and even like the feeling of the unknown-exhilarating

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’ve got it. It’s anything that I am expected to show up to that gives me anxiety. Absolutely anything! Like yesterday I had plans to go and watch my eldest son run a half marathon. Something that I really wanted to do. No real reason to feel anything other than fine about it but it still made me anxious. I feel guilty about it too often and find it hard to explain. I don’t want people to think I don’t want to see them but my brain seems to not be able to differentiate between a high stress meeting such as a job interview and a very low stress situation like going to see my own child. It sucks.

      Liked by 1 person

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