I have anxiety this morning. I have to sign on at the Jobcentre and then AA straight after. Having plans makes me anxious. Logically I can tell myself that both of these meetings will be fine and straightforward but when I am this side of any plan; I can’t help but be agitated.
However I am also excited! I am getting a few hours to myself this morning as I’m catching to bus into town alone. I always look forward to a little time on the bus with music in my headphones and yay! the sun is shining!. (Don’t care how sad that sounds)
All in all, everything feels really positive. Rob and I are connecting much better without me trying to rush things to get back to normal. The atmosphere has thawed and in turn I feel more able to communicate with him. I have always tried to blank out how much he is affected by relapses. It’s very distressing to accept responsibility for causing another person pain. I want us to closer. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Everytime I relapse a wall goes up. We wont survive it again. I wont survive it again.
Happy Monday you guys.