Fences and Walls

I’m writing in a bit of a rush right now but I’m going out this evening and trying to fit everything in after having the laziest of days.

It’s one of those days where I don’t particularly feel like blogging but I am very aware that this new habit of mine (which is now a month old!!) is a positive one. It’s working for me. I feel a responsibility to continue – for me.  It would be easy to let a day go by – infact I did a few days ago but that was because I’d had a full day and genuinely forgot until I was drifting off to sleep. I’m not going to beat myself up about that. It wasn’t a case of procrastination. I didn’t remember and talk myself into avoiding it. The day just got by me. Maybe I should set an alarm or devote a particular time to this ,but I don’t dig that idea so much.

Although today was another stormy day and like I mentioned above, I’ve been supremely lazy. Fable and I have been in our pyjamas all day and all I’ve done (apart from tending to her needs) is read. I find this difficult to do with Rob working at home. I usually struggle with the negative thoughts I think he’s thinking about me. I would tell myself he’s thinking I’m lazy or I’m not entertaining the baby (bad mother).  Or that I’m sliding into bad habits by lying around doing nothing. I would jump every time I heard him move so that it looked like I was doing something, anything other than nothing. I felt guilty about relaxing and reading. Then in turn I would feel defensive and resentful. Having battles with him all in my mind.

Today I used the Byron Katie app – The Work. I also mediated on these unreasonable, intrusive thoughts.

Anyway, I have to rush off. I’m going to see Fences with Lesley and a friend of hers this evening. I LOVE going to the cinema. It’s something I used to do on my own often before I met Rob. It’s just so expensive!

Happy Tuesday xx


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