I’m so blown away by how helpful you guys are!
A few days ago I discovered that I had over 20 comments I hadn’t realised I needed to approve. Comments full of genuine kindness and top-notch advice. I’m not writing this blog to get ‘likes’ but I have to admit, it felt good to get some feedback. First off, I am writing this blog for me. As a journal. A form of release. I DO want to reach a wider circle of people who can relate to my journey. Who can offer tips that help me with recovery and I like to think that my writings may help someone else some day but what is most important to me is that this blog becomes a tool in my healing process. A place to record my struggles and accomplishments. I have found disclosing my emotions by writing them down is helping me recognise my triggers. It’s a safe place where I feel no fear of criticism. I also think it’s helping Rob and I. He has read it from day one. He encouraged me to be open and honest here despite the fact that much of it is about our relationship. Often an entry has brought feelings out that we end up discussing. I like that he knows how I’m feeling even I have been unable to communicate effectively that day.
Somedays, I can’t get my words out. They get stuck in my throat. Somedays, I don’t know what I need to feel better and just writing the words begins a flow that soothes the headache or eases the anxiety. I’ve stopped worrying about the quality of my writing. It’s helping me. I look forward to it. I really get something out of reading the blogs I follow.
I have a poorly household. Fable had a really bad night so I’m tired. We’re all cwtched up on the couch watching Zootopia. I feel good though. I love having my kids here. 🙂 Sonny has a new wheelchair. I took him for a walk this morning which he loved. I always feel good when I’ve taken him out of the house and gotten some fresh air with him. I kinda wish he would sit and watch a film with us (FAT CHANCE!) but he’s happy in his room. He’s non-verbal and can only cry or screech when he’s unhappy. I find it so anxiety-inducing when it’s not clear why he’s unhappy. Anyway, he IS happy right now so there’s no need for me to dwell on negativity.
I may have a conversation with Sylvie later about me attending AA. I have a meeting on Monday so I need to talk to her. I’m not going to lie and make a reason up.