The bully

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but

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Somewhere deep in the recess, my damaged mind tells me that pills and alcohol are the answer.

I’m not a stupid person. So why do I listen? Why do succumb over and over, like a fool?

Why do I find it near impossible to treat substances like they are a terrible friend? A violent, cheating partner? Why do I go back, again and again?

I know why.

Anyone in recovery knows.

You don’t deserve to be happy

That’s what it tells me. The bully that lives in my head.

You don’t deserve to be happy

 

My life now depends on those lies being drowned out. The bully’s voice, extinguished .

You are decent. You are loved. You deserve happiness

I must honour and nurture these truths. The voice is timid yet unwavering. In time it will get louder. 

 

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2 thoughts on “The bully

  1. I think being at peace with yourself is much better than being happy, I personally find being happy a negative word. We humans can never truly be happy but yes I believe we can be content.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You go back because your brain wants a dopamine hit. It knows no other way. It has formed a pattern of behaviour over time and this behaviour has wired in to your brain as normal. You want to escape pain……your re wired brain shows you how. The secret is learning how to change the settings, re programme your brain to a better way. It can be done.

    Liked by 1 person

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