Empathy

Yesterday wasn’t a good day.  R was having a bad day which meant I was having one too. I am an empath. I soak up other people’s energy and emotion, good or bad. When I was younger I believed that if everyone else was ok, I’d be ok too. I followed this philosophy much to my detriment. I came last. Always.

I simply can not deal with my own feelings when one of my loved ones is in a bad mood/upset/ill. I NEED them to be happy. This is unrealistic and unfair on them.

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I cry a lot. At tv commercials. At music. At the news. This morning I cried watching Lady Gaga’s performance at the Super Bowl. (Yas kween!) Those kind of tears come easily. I don’t fear them. They feel cathartic. It’s tears for me that I’m scared of. I don’t know why I feel so deeply other people’s pain and build up walls around my own.

Something to bring up in therapy maybe?

 

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8 thoughts on “Empathy

  1. Have you read about codependency? That is what that is. Empathy and codependency go together.

    I feel it too…the need to smooth things over, for everyone to be ok. I played that role growing up and in the end I never knew what I wanted, I just knew how to make others ok.

    It’s a tough place. Melodie Beattie has a good book called codependent no more.

    Check it out.

    At some point the only way to learn to live in peace is to let others have their own experience with life, and to focus on your own.

    Hug

    Anne

    Liked by 3 people

    • I know precious little about it actually. R mentions it a lot and I’ve always poo-pooed it away as a description for myself. I guess I assumed it was more to do with ‘dependency’ and I know that have spent a lot of my life seemingly independent. (Left home at 16. Single parent and single person living alone aside from my children, way more than the years I was married.) I find life a LOT easier as a single person. SO much less pressure but I love my partner and want to be with him. I don’t know why I ‘fantasise’ about being alone and having no one’s expectations to live up to. TO the point where I have fantasised about being homeless and childless, numbed by drink and drugs. It feels like a despicable thing to admit to. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Thankyou once again for such a thoughtful reply. I will do some research. You’re been a great support. 🙂

      Like

  2. I use to do this as well. From my experience, it is a distraction from myself and taking unnecessary responsibility for others feelings. The way I was able to overcome it was to be aware of it, observe it and not to judge it. I have learned to watch feelings good and bad like clouds passing and not label them. um? this is nice, um? this kind of sucks okay and it floats on by. I do feel for you and I hope that this helps…It is just what I do and have done. I have always studied the classics and formulated what has worked for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel you, Im empthatic too. I thrive on the feelings of the people I love. Yeah it can be a difficult thing to do, but it only means that you have so much love to offer.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Stunning share!
    “This is very unfair on them”… that’s very insightful because if they are not happy, then they are not living up to your expectations

    Crying over ads and movies and all of that is good I feel and it’s still a form of healing. I think that you may struggle to cry over your own issues because you have learnt to block them off for soo long and that has become your defense mechanism.

    When we cry over someone dying of cancer in a movie. We very well know that the actor is still alive and well, we cry because we can relate it to something very close to us and that’s what we are crying over and that is a form of healing
    I think you getting soo emotional over all of these things is fantastic and that you’re doing great, because that is your mind’s healthy way of dealing with ur own traumatic experiences.
    So I say well done

    Liked by 1 person

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